The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I will be naked everywhere
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
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