we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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