i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
