that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
