I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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