youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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