omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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