exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
