looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
