Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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