You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
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He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
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I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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