You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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