I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
