On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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