Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
