he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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