i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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