I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
