Kiss
Puke
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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