just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
