I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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