508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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