I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
