i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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