he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
