we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
