We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
