He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
