Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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