I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
