Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
