and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
