If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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