So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
