I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
