Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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