With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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