Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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