there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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