this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
