A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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