Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
