I think I died a long time ago.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize