Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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