hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize