Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
