I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
