rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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