Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
