Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
