So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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