I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
