What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
