I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
