Girls should come with a carfax report
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
