Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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