No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
