remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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