He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
