I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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