Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
