I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
