He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
