Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Alive.
So much puke
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
