Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
