no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
