Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
