Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
