I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize